Who’s Talking to Who?
Sue Andraeas, Prioress
“Pray without ceasing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:17
Confession: I have not been very faithful at praying at the appointed hours the past few weeks. Ok, not for months. Our goal is Morning, Noon, and Evening Prayer, but we’ve been feeling rather successful if we pray in the morning. That’s not to say we don’t pray. We do! I’m talking about these structured, intentional times of communal prayer. What I’ve been doing instead is stacking fire wood and making sure the barns are ready for a cold winter; that the snow blower and plow are prepped for service and that the animals we have are also prepared for cold temperatures—or butchered; that the windows’ summer shades are exchanged for insulated window covers (this house is DRAFTY!); and that the vehicles are snow-ready with good tires, working 4-wheel drive, etc. (and this Advent found both of our vehicles needing repairs at the same time—during the first blizzard of the season—not fun).
On top of that, several projects had been delayed because of the relentless rains of autumn: things like reinforcing the foundation of the goat barn, resurfacing the driveway, and finishing up the mucking that should have been done in the summer. All this on top of Alan’s not being able to walk without a cane due to his fall. He couldn’t help with the daily animal chores (except to fill water buckets once the outside faucets were turned off to protect them from freezing). He couldn’t drive himself to his two physical therapy sessions per week (THANK YOU to Greg and Bill who helped out with that!). And this handicap on his part brought its own frustrations for him. I’m not complaining. Life on a farm is supposed to be physical labor and I’m not opposed to it in the least! But what this schedule did do for me was force me to look at Saint Brendan’s—and especially our work of prayer—in an eyes-wide-open way.
It caused me to think, and think hard, about what I pray, why I pray, and whether my prayers are simply fulfilling a scheduled ‘spiritual chore’ or if I’m trying to accomplish some greater work. So while Alan’s writing to you about the discipline of prayer from a theological, informational sort of way (which is good), I’m going to write about how these disciplines play out, for me at least, in the daily ‘goings on’ of Saint Brendan’s.
When Alan fell, I knew immediately that it was serious. I can’t explain how I knew other than to say that the Holy Spirit seemed to ‘dump’ that information into my head. Quickly. And that was odd. I mean, one minute, my thoughts were on moving things from one place to another behind the chapel, and the next minute I was reorganizing my chores to accommodate Alan’s inability to assist. It wasn’t by choice that I was thinking ahead; I was being prepared for what has been an arduous physical (for Alan) and mental/spiritual (for me) journey. Not all prayer is us talking to God. Prayer can also be God talking to us. I did not question my faith—not for a moment did that happen! I didn’t doubt that God was in control, or that He still loved us, and I never saw the accident as punishment. But what I began to question was my understanding of the role of prayer in daily life, and perhaps the whole purpose of prayer. We pray for the work of Saint Brendan’s daily. And still Alan fell and was seriously hurt. We pray for all of you as well, yet the emails you send do not reveal a life especially void of struggles. In fact, I’d say the opposite! Does that mean prayer doesn’t ‘work?’ Or that God didn’t hear? Or that we didn’t pray hard enough? See what I mean?
I was in the barn with the donkeys one day, about 3 weeks after Alan fell, and asking God how I should be praying for him. I suppose it would seem obvious to pray for complete, miraculous healing but it didn’t feel right to pray for the obvious. I found myself mentally reviewing the people that Jesus healed in the Gospels and it began to occur to me that none of them were healed instantly once their suffering began. One woman had been hemorrhaging for 12 years. Another man had been born blind for no other reason than for God’s glory to be revealed, but by then, he was an adult. Even Jesus’ friend Lazarus had to die before he was healed! How could I be sure that Jesus was ready to heal Alan’s ankle or if there were more significant things that would come from his injury? And if that were the case, then to pray for healing would go contrary to what He needed to work into Alan and into those who were caring for him.
It also occurred to me that rigidly praying the Offices would not help me to explore any of these possibilities. Yes, James 5 states that those who are sick or suffering should pray, should have the elders in the church lay hands on them in order to be…to be what? Healed? Actually James 5:15 reads, “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” The Hebrew word here for ‘save’ is the same word used to be saved from eternal punishment, sodezo. (Healing is mentioned in verse 16, connected to confession. Hmmm…) My point here is not to deny that Jesus heals us (He does!) or that miraculous healings still occur (they do!) but that prayer is not always such an easy thing to define in a nice, neat package beyond just ‘talking to God’ (as if that weren’t huge enough).
From the time I was very young I’d hear people praying for some desired event—for healing or rain or restoration of a broken relationship—and then end it with ‘if it be Thy will.’ And I remember thinking, ‘What a copout! Don’t you KNOW His will?’ I was taught, as a child, that God always answers prayer, and that sometimes His answer is ‘yes,’ sometimes ‘no,’ and sometimes, ‘yes but not now.’ That seemed like another totally ridiculous explanation of prayer to me! I could ‘pray’ the same prayer to a ceramic figure on my dresser and expect the same three Options!! There MUST be a way to know God’s will enough to know how to pray!!
I had seen righteous, godly people die of horrible illnesses in spite of the many prayers of our congregation. Had God not heard? Had we prayed incorrectly? WHY was His answer ‘no?’ I was offered the explanation that God is mysterious; His ways are mysterious. But what I read in Scripture is that while His ways were not our ways, while they are higher than ours (Isaiah 55), Scripture also reveals God’s mysteries. Look in Romans 11 or 16, or in 1 Corinthians 15, or Ephesians 1 and 3. God wants to be known and wants His will to be known. He has revealed His plans to us. So why can’t we figure out what to say when we talk to Him? James 4:3 reveals that we ask and do not receive because we ask wrongly. So, I was back to…how do I pray for Alan rightly?
I began praying for wisdom to know how to pray for Alan—and me—to be healed in whatever way God needed him to be healed, and to figure out the reason for the suffering in the meantime so that our suffering was not wasted or turned to anger, frustration, or lack of faith. I prayed to learn patience. I prayed to be given the grace to expect to see—and comprehend God’s plan for us personally, as a couple, and as spiritual leaders. I prayed for eyes to see, and ears to hear, what God was doing in this place and in our lives. I prayed for wisdom—because He has said that ‘wisdom prayers’ are always appropriate, and that He will always answer that prayer in the affirmative (James 1:5). I found myself thanking God for this injury because it put Alan in a place to receive care rather than offer it, and to learn that he is valuable for himself and not just what he can do. I saw the slower pace that we walked first as an annoying delay but later as a gift. I have found courage, endurance, and physical strength (and know-how) beyond what I expected.
So…did God answer our prayers for Alan’s healing? Yes. But not in the way that most people—even most Christians—would have thought. God was speaking during those conversations even if we had to grow and stretch a bit to hear Him. (Remember, prayer isn’t just us talking to God; it’s being in the right spiritual place to hear His response!) Alan’s ankle is still healing. But he is a changed man, partly because of the injury, and partly because our prayers have realigned us with God’s plan for Saint Brendan’s. And I have also gained from Alan’s injury. No one’s life happens only for himself. What are you praying for? Are you sure? Do you know why you are praying that way? Are you and God talking about the same thing during your prayer time? Do you know what God is working in the midst of your crisis, your pain, and your circumstances? Are you willing to lay your agenda aside to see what His is? Are you listening when you pray, or just talking? Pray about it!
Sue Andraeas
1 Thessalonians 5:17
Confession: I have not been very faithful at praying at the appointed hours the past few weeks. Ok, not for months. Our goal is Morning, Noon, and Evening Prayer, but we’ve been feeling rather successful if we pray in the morning. That’s not to say we don’t pray. We do! I’m talking about these structured, intentional times of communal prayer. What I’ve been doing instead is stacking fire wood and making sure the barns are ready for a cold winter; that the snow blower and plow are prepped for service and that the animals we have are also prepared for cold temperatures—or butchered; that the windows’ summer shades are exchanged for insulated window covers (this house is DRAFTY!); and that the vehicles are snow-ready with good tires, working 4-wheel drive, etc. (and this Advent found both of our vehicles needing repairs at the same time—during the first blizzard of the season—not fun).
On top of that, several projects had been delayed because of the relentless rains of autumn: things like reinforcing the foundation of the goat barn, resurfacing the driveway, and finishing up the mucking that should have been done in the summer. All this on top of Alan’s not being able to walk without a cane due to his fall. He couldn’t help with the daily animal chores (except to fill water buckets once the outside faucets were turned off to protect them from freezing). He couldn’t drive himself to his two physical therapy sessions per week (THANK YOU to Greg and Bill who helped out with that!). And this handicap on his part brought its own frustrations for him. I’m not complaining. Life on a farm is supposed to be physical labor and I’m not opposed to it in the least! But what this schedule did do for me was force me to look at Saint Brendan’s—and especially our work of prayer—in an eyes-wide-open way.
It caused me to think, and think hard, about what I pray, why I pray, and whether my prayers are simply fulfilling a scheduled ‘spiritual chore’ or if I’m trying to accomplish some greater work. So while Alan’s writing to you about the discipline of prayer from a theological, informational sort of way (which is good), I’m going to write about how these disciplines play out, for me at least, in the daily ‘goings on’ of Saint Brendan’s.
When Alan fell, I knew immediately that it was serious. I can’t explain how I knew other than to say that the Holy Spirit seemed to ‘dump’ that information into my head. Quickly. And that was odd. I mean, one minute, my thoughts were on moving things from one place to another behind the chapel, and the next minute I was reorganizing my chores to accommodate Alan’s inability to assist. It wasn’t by choice that I was thinking ahead; I was being prepared for what has been an arduous physical (for Alan) and mental/spiritual (for me) journey. Not all prayer is us talking to God. Prayer can also be God talking to us. I did not question my faith—not for a moment did that happen! I didn’t doubt that God was in control, or that He still loved us, and I never saw the accident as punishment. But what I began to question was my understanding of the role of prayer in daily life, and perhaps the whole purpose of prayer. We pray for the work of Saint Brendan’s daily. And still Alan fell and was seriously hurt. We pray for all of you as well, yet the emails you send do not reveal a life especially void of struggles. In fact, I’d say the opposite! Does that mean prayer doesn’t ‘work?’ Or that God didn’t hear? Or that we didn’t pray hard enough? See what I mean?
I was in the barn with the donkeys one day, about 3 weeks after Alan fell, and asking God how I should be praying for him. I suppose it would seem obvious to pray for complete, miraculous healing but it didn’t feel right to pray for the obvious. I found myself mentally reviewing the people that Jesus healed in the Gospels and it began to occur to me that none of them were healed instantly once their suffering began. One woman had been hemorrhaging for 12 years. Another man had been born blind for no other reason than for God’s glory to be revealed, but by then, he was an adult. Even Jesus’ friend Lazarus had to die before he was healed! How could I be sure that Jesus was ready to heal Alan’s ankle or if there were more significant things that would come from his injury? And if that were the case, then to pray for healing would go contrary to what He needed to work into Alan and into those who were caring for him.
It also occurred to me that rigidly praying the Offices would not help me to explore any of these possibilities. Yes, James 5 states that those who are sick or suffering should pray, should have the elders in the church lay hands on them in order to be…to be what? Healed? Actually James 5:15 reads, “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” The Hebrew word here for ‘save’ is the same word used to be saved from eternal punishment, sodezo. (Healing is mentioned in verse 16, connected to confession. Hmmm…) My point here is not to deny that Jesus heals us (He does!) or that miraculous healings still occur (they do!) but that prayer is not always such an easy thing to define in a nice, neat package beyond just ‘talking to God’ (as if that weren’t huge enough).
From the time I was very young I’d hear people praying for some desired event—for healing or rain or restoration of a broken relationship—and then end it with ‘if it be Thy will.’ And I remember thinking, ‘What a copout! Don’t you KNOW His will?’ I was taught, as a child, that God always answers prayer, and that sometimes His answer is ‘yes,’ sometimes ‘no,’ and sometimes, ‘yes but not now.’ That seemed like another totally ridiculous explanation of prayer to me! I could ‘pray’ the same prayer to a ceramic figure on my dresser and expect the same three Options!! There MUST be a way to know God’s will enough to know how to pray!!
I had seen righteous, godly people die of horrible illnesses in spite of the many prayers of our congregation. Had God not heard? Had we prayed incorrectly? WHY was His answer ‘no?’ I was offered the explanation that God is mysterious; His ways are mysterious. But what I read in Scripture is that while His ways were not our ways, while they are higher than ours (Isaiah 55), Scripture also reveals God’s mysteries. Look in Romans 11 or 16, or in 1 Corinthians 15, or Ephesians 1 and 3. God wants to be known and wants His will to be known. He has revealed His plans to us. So why can’t we figure out what to say when we talk to Him? James 4:3 reveals that we ask and do not receive because we ask wrongly. So, I was back to…how do I pray for Alan rightly?
I began praying for wisdom to know how to pray for Alan—and me—to be healed in whatever way God needed him to be healed, and to figure out the reason for the suffering in the meantime so that our suffering was not wasted or turned to anger, frustration, or lack of faith. I prayed to learn patience. I prayed to be given the grace to expect to see—and comprehend God’s plan for us personally, as a couple, and as spiritual leaders. I prayed for eyes to see, and ears to hear, what God was doing in this place and in our lives. I prayed for wisdom—because He has said that ‘wisdom prayers’ are always appropriate, and that He will always answer that prayer in the affirmative (James 1:5). I found myself thanking God for this injury because it put Alan in a place to receive care rather than offer it, and to learn that he is valuable for himself and not just what he can do. I saw the slower pace that we walked first as an annoying delay but later as a gift. I have found courage, endurance, and physical strength (and know-how) beyond what I expected.
So…did God answer our prayers for Alan’s healing? Yes. But not in the way that most people—even most Christians—would have thought. God was speaking during those conversations even if we had to grow and stretch a bit to hear Him. (Remember, prayer isn’t just us talking to God; it’s being in the right spiritual place to hear His response!) Alan’s ankle is still healing. But he is a changed man, partly because of the injury, and partly because our prayers have realigned us with God’s plan for Saint Brendan’s. And I have also gained from Alan’s injury. No one’s life happens only for himself. What are you praying for? Are you sure? Do you know why you are praying that way? Are you and God talking about the same thing during your prayer time? Do you know what God is working in the midst of your crisis, your pain, and your circumstances? Are you willing to lay your agenda aside to see what His is? Are you listening when you pray, or just talking? Pray about it!
Sue Andraeas